my burden

Ever feel that no matter how hard you try, nothing ever works out? That's how I am feeling today. I have a good job that I love, and Dean has a good paying job he hates, but we still can't seem to make ends.meet. I know some of it is that ee need to buckle down on the.budget but its more than that. I want to be able to bring Mason to Disney, I want to be able to pay all my bills on time, I want to be able to pay off my debt to be able to buy a house. I realize that's a lot of I wants, and I need to be thankful for what I have. My family is (for the most part) healthy, Mason is happy and doing well in school, I have a very understanding landlord who has worked with us these past 2 years, we have good friends, and a well meaning if unhelpful family. We have each other, and we have the Lord. I am thankful for those things, I really am, (I know you feel it coming!) But I also want more. Out of all those things I listed above the money to pay bills would be.most helpful as what I REALLY want is another baby. While Dean says he doesn't appose it, we both know we can't afford it. I sometimes feel I have made piece and accepted that we will only have Mason, and that's not a bad thing as he is a great kid, but then I hear of someone being pregnant and its like I got kicked in the gut. I want to cry, I feel like I'm going to throw up, and then I feel guilty because while I am happy for them I am also eaten alive with jealously. So today that is my cross to bear, my burden to,overcome.